Who have I become? or have I always been like this and I’m just waking up

What have I done to myself…. I might have gone too far

There’s nothing that sets me more on fire than people telling me I CAN’T do something…and if you do, you sit and watch me do it!

I developed a passion for baking, I became darn good at it, I was making good money baking from home and as it created issues with my family I decided to open a bakery (WTF was I thinking?). So I joined a small gift shop and opened a spot, it went great! it quickly became small and we decided to expand.  I talked about it with my hubby and like sent by God, this beautiful property became available downtown and we jumped to purchase it. Biggest mistake ever.

We opened a beautiful and unique full service bakery. I had an assistant and another baker. We lasted 10 months open, I got diagnosed with Lupus and Scleroderma that IMO surfaced because the huge amount of stress I was dealing with. Thank God we were able to sell it, we closed our doors on December23rd 2014.

The results? I’m 30lbs heavier, I’m 35 but feel like 40, I stopped exercising I became unhealthy, unhappy, moody, it almost cost me my marriage. Oh and yes! I owe 10K on my CC

I could sit and cry, let the depression and the stress of my debt take over me… it happens I’m just not that person, praise the lord.

How am I getting my life back? One step at a time.

On January 1st 2015 I set a goal, to walk a mile per every day of the year for a total of 365miles, is not an unrealistic goal. It’s a single mile every day! I needed to get back my life one day at a time.

I needed to get back to being a Mom

A wife

A daughter

A sister

A friend…. 

 I achieved far more than that, and I am just getting started!

Why do I focus so much on my fitness level? You’ll wonder, is not like running is going to get her family back or the time she missed with her kids back… well it actually helps more than you would imagine.

What is running for me? 

Running is my gas.

I figured, if I can do one thing to make things better every day, then I’m on track. Every mile I walk makes me happy, the more I do it, the happier I am. Have you hear the “If Mom is happy then everyone is happy? well that’s me.

I run so I can be a better Mom, a better wife… let’s face it, I’m not 21 and believe it or not, I know I’m close to my menopause (I have family history, My mom got it at 37, my grandma at 35…), I am a very moody person and running has helped tremendously with to manage it.

Ok, so 2015 was just wonderful… we had our great moments and the not so great ones, overall it was all good! we moved to Texas, we rented our home, we made some great changes health wise. I kept running, I got injured, then I ran again, I got injured again and I ran again…

This time I didn’t let an injury rule my running, I knew as soon as I could feel better I’ll run again, and I did.

This is what I accomplished in my fitness life in 2015

I ran a total of 495.1 miles

I walked 298.5 miles

I did 2 half marathons

I did my first 20 miler

I finished my first Marathon! yes! 26 point freaking 2 miles

and to top it all, I did my first Sprint Triathlon….

Fuck yeah I did.

This has been my best to date year, but I’m going for more in 2016.

I have realized as I get older that life actually gets better since you become wiser, you are capable of anything you set your mind for, and ass my kids will say: You just have to believe in yourself.

Oh now it's scleroderma

I guess at least I have a name for this weird thing that I'm feeling. 

The pains, the aches, the numbness, soreness .... fatigue... things that make me not be me. Energetic, happy and loving me.

I have become moody, angry, the fact that I'm limited with the exercises I can do now, once I have decided to be back into the fitness routine, makes me angry.

It is not my mind that makes me sit in the couch, right now I have all the wishes and desires to go and workout, to finish that Marathon, to do an Iron girl, and then I get diagnosed with this thing.... the first thing I did was to Google Scleroderma and the pictures nearly killed me.

Will I become a monster? am I going to loose my big lips? will I ever be able to run again? my kids and husband will be embarrassed of me....will I get to look like that? 

I guess I should't be so worried now, or should I? 

I'm not one to sit and look how sick I'm going to get, I'm planning to fight back! 

Divas half April 2015

Divas half marathon

I'm back! I can run again and I proved it to myself!

I'm amazed by the things your mind talks you out of, every time I have a thought about becoming an athlete, about running a marathon or my new obsession of doing a Triathlon, my mind tries to talk me out of it!

Why do I listen? Why do I allow her to put me down? “You can't do it, you're too fat, you're too slow, you're never going to be good enough....” as my friend Joel said “Delete button with those thoughts”.

I know I can do it, when I first started Crossfit I had the same mind setting “ Oh no, I can't do that” and every time I ended up doing it.... this will be no different.

I've been running here and there since January, with my max running distance of 4 miles on very very good days! You have to start somewhere, I need a race pressure to train so we went to Galveston and it was soooo much fun! I had pain for my shin splints that seem to never go away and was really worried about it, ended up buying another pair of shoes that were different than any other pair I've had... they measured my feet and asked me to buy a size bigger than what I usually buy, that was shocking!

We ran straight till about mile 8, I had pain in the first 2 miles then it went away!

We finished in 2h 52min according to my watch, 2h56 in their clock.... I'm trying hard to remember I'm just starting again, I can not pretend to be in the 2h12min I did my previous half.

I'm giving myself a year …. it will take time, it will take sweat and tears, but I'll become the athlete I never thought I could be... you just watch me do it =)

  We did it!!

is this enough?

And that is me in 2013.... both pics on the left.... then that's me 3 weeks ago on the right.

Is that inspiration to loose it enough?

It took a Donut

Let me start by mention that I'm looking at my daily point allowance like they're money;  you get $26 a day,  you have some extra $49 a week and if you workout then you can start a savings account with the money you make for that.

     Yesterday morning on our way to a 5K my friend asked me to stop by the Donut shop so I did, I was not planning on eating a donut specially after I realized a donut was going to cost me 7 precious points; ain't nobody got points for dat! LOL at the moment we're ordering I felt pressure to get a donut, she convinced me that if I was going to run then I could have a donut, so I bought it =( and I eat it, while I was eating it I knew in every byte I took that I was doing wrong; I don't even like donuts to begin with!

   Later I saw it like a waste of money, hard earned money... now I'll have to borrow money from my weekly allowance account to get me trough the day... if I keep making bad choices I'll find myself in debt, I don't like to use my savings account (activity points) so it's time to stop making the wrong choices.

    Today is a new day, my entire delicious breakfast was 6 points and I was so very happy with it; 2 pieces of toast, scrambled egg whites with egg beaters, half avocado and 2 slices of turkey bacon... all for less than a single donut! Can you believe what a waste of a breakfast I had yesterday? Lesson learned, I'm not doing that again!

Wake up

WAKE UP YOU

That moment when you realize you're not 26 anymore, not hot anymore... you're becoming invisible to everyone else but yourself.... and what you see ain't pretty! All I see in the mirror is a belly that does not fit in the size 6 clothes hanging in my closet.

That's when it needs to stop! I will NOT buy size 10-12 jeans, no, I will not!

One more time I joined weight watchers... Myfitness pall is not pressure enough for me, looks like I need to pay people to push me to loose weight, just like I do with my running! I have to sign up for a race to get back on track and hit the road.

Last tuesday I went to my first meeting in town, I saw a 65ish year old woman giving the introduction  and I realize I want to become her! I want to be standing in a room encouraging people, I want to be the inspiration I want to be the success story, I don't want to be the one who did not loose the weight, I want to be her, the one who lost it and kept it off.... I did it once and I'll do it again.

My plan?

Log it all, plan my meals and hit the road.